


let the rain fall down (i just wanna feel again)

by c1vilwars



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Haircuts, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, and sam is an amazing bestie, basically bucky cries about steve in the shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:01:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29054835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c1vilwars/pseuds/c1vilwars
Summary: “So, what’s up, cyborg? It’s not normal to cry in the shower.”Bucky lifted his head and made eye contact with Sam.“The shower...it felt like rain.”“What about rain bothers you?”“Me and Steve...we used to play in the rain as kids.”ORBucky gets a haircut, and memories about Steve come back as he's in the shower
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	let the rain fall down (i just wanna feel again)

**Author's Note:**

> i posted a tweet basically with the plot for this fic five days ago, and i decided to write this so here we are.  
> also who else is hype for the superbowl? i dont care about football, theres just a rumor that a second trailer for tfatws is coming out. so they're getting my view.  
> anyway onto the story :)

Bucky's hair was short again. 

For decades, his hair always draped past his broad shoulders, but never longer than above his breasts, and never shorter. It was HYDRA’s way of keeping the Winter Soldier from realizing who he truly was. His short hair was part of his past self. 

So when he approached Sam one evening after they ate dinner with the proposition, Sam gave Bucky a questionable look.

“Are you sure?” 

Bucky nodded and the two of them retreated upstairs to the bathroom. When Sam flicked the light switch up, the light yellow walls were illuminated. To the left was a vanity, and to the left of that was a toilet. To the far wall was the shower. On the walls were various wooden designs, one being a wave, another being a bird, and the last one that caught Bucky’s eye was a tree. Whoever added the aesthetics to make this room nature-oriented had an artist's eye. Bucky knew that for a fact. 

Bucky stood in front of the sink, looking at himself in the mirror as Sam left the room to rummage through cabinets in the hallway to find the tools he needed. Bucky’s eyes stared straight into his reflection's eyes and all he could see was the  _ pain _ . The man had been through a lot, but for the first time in years, first time in his life, he saw the true result of what had happened to him. His eyes weren’t the only thing that looked bad. The bags under his orbs had started to return. His lips were chapped and there were signs of bleeding. And this hair. You could just tell it was greasy and untamed. The only thing that looked somewhat decent was his shaven face, which Sam had pressured him into doing.

When Sam returned with scissors, an electric shaver, and a towel over his shoulder, Bucky turned back and made direct eye contact with him.

“You know, I look like a mess. Do you think a haircut will help?” 

Sam nodded as he placed the items into the sink and left the room again.

“What else could you need?”

Sam leaned back so he could see Bucky’s head and responded.

“A step stool, I need to see my artwork in the mirror as I go and I’m not seven feet tall.”

Bucky laughed at Sam’s admission, turning back so he was facing the mirror again. He could hear the other man's footsteps and the creaking of the floor as he came back with a wooden step-stool. He placed it behind Bucky and stood on it, then leaned forward to the left side of Bucky to grab the scissors and towel.

Sam took the towel and draped it on Bucky’s shoulders so they were covered. 

“Bucky...are you one hundred percent sure you want to do this?” Sam asked, looking at his face in the mirror to make sure there wasn’t even a hint of hesitation. There wasn’t. Just a nod.

“Yes, Sam, I’m sure. Can you just do it already? Cause if you won’t, I will.”

“No need to be inpatient, cyborg.” Sam laughed as he picked up the scissors and began to cut. 

The room was silent aside from the snapping of the scissors and the occasional deep breath from Bucky, whose shoulders visibly moved with each inhale. The dark-brown locks fell softly through the air and landed on the floor. Bucky directed his eyes towards the floor, seeing the hair scattered. His eyes stayed glued to the hair until Sam’s voice broke the tension in the room.

“I’m switching to the shaver.” He spoke, before plugging it into the outlet and flipping the switch on. Bucky kept his gaze on the floor as he felt the shaver on the nape of his neck. He flinched as it moved, causing Sam to take one foot off of the step stool.

“You alright?” Sam asked as he flipped the switch off.

“Yeah, it just startled me. You can keep going.”

Sam nodded and turned it back on, pressing it onto the area again and slowly moving the tool upwards, the noise of the hairs being removed filling the room. More hair fell onto the ground, and Bucky stared at it yet again. The buzzing eventually stopped and Sam placed the shaver into the sink.

“How do you like it?” Sam asked, taking the towel from the other man’s shoulders and dabbing it on his neck. Bucky looked up into the mirror and instantly, he felt nostalgic. He no longer had the Winter Soldier look. He was Bucky Barnes again. He took his right hand and brought it to his neck, feeling the flesh-to-flesh contact.

“It feels weird, but good. You did a great job, Sam.” Bucky answered, letting out a small smile as he ruffled the top of his head to give his hair some volume. Sam left the room, returned with a broom, and started to sweep the fallen hair. When he was done, he stood in the doorway. 

“Now shower, and I’ll help you style your hair and you can see what you like. Since obviously HYDRA weren’t hair dressers.”

“God, I hate you.”

There was a smirk from Sam as he grabbed the outside doorknob. 

“There’s towels hanging on the hooks on the door. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Sam.” 

The door completely shut and the floors creaked as Sam left Bucky alone in the bathroom. He used his metal arm to lock the door, and for a while he just stood, staring at his new look. 

A couple of minutes later, Bucky finally got the courage to take his clothes plus arm off and step into the shower, turning the knob to the red side, which Bucky assumed was the hot side. The water flooded out the shower head and hit Bucky’s body softly. The Wilson family obviously weren’t fans of hard water pressure. That wasn’t a big deal for Bucky though, he didn’t realize some people cared about the pressure until he was in Wakanda and realized that some people there appreciated their hard-hitting showers a little too much.

The light amount of pressure was like rain. Soft, light raindrops that draped over his body like silk. Like the days in the late 20s in which Bucky and Steve would play in the rainfalls on the streets, laughing and spinning like ballerinas. The endless blocks of Brooklyn would flood with the water, and when the lighting got closer, the two would scream like little kids on a playground playing tag. The dark sky would be engulfed in a white flash, but that never scared the two. They were never scared of a little rain. Yes, Steve may have a cold for days after, but he never learned his lesson. When the little droplets would hit the windows with an audible  _ pat _ , Steve would always grab the older one and rush outside. The rain was gentle, the shower was gentle, and the tears that were flowing down Bucky’s face were gentle as well. The way the hot water combined on Bucky’s face with the cool tears was almost relieving. Bucky couldn’t remember the last time he had truly cried. 

It began with just tears, but soon, Bucky had fallen onto the shower floor. He tucked his knees to his chest and head into his knees. With every breath, he struggled. Every inhale he attempted to take felt like fire in his lungs. With every exhale, he was letting out sobs. He missed Steve. He missed the good days before they both got enlisted. Before the train. Before HYDRA. Before everything. When they were just two kids in Brooklyn playing in the pouring rain. 

Sam was downstairs doing some dishes when he heard a loud  _ thump  _ from upstairs. He turned off the sink that he was using to cover the plates in water before he coated them in soap, and he made his way upstairs. As he stood at the top of the steps, he could make out that the water was still running. But under that, there was another sound. Crying. Sam’s eyes widened as he rushed to the bathroom door and began to bang on it with the outside of his fist.

“Bucky? Bucky! You ok in there?” 

Sam put an ear to the door and couldn’t hear a response. Just the continued sound of sobbing.

“I’m busting through this door if you don’t open it!”

There was a sharp inhale from Bucky, who raised his head and reached out his hand to twist the knob to turn off the shower. He stood up and took the shower curtain, opening it with a swift motion. The cold air hit him and he really wished he was back under the warm stream. He forced himself to stumble towards the door and grab the body towel that hung from a hook. Grabbing it and enveloping himself, he leaned his body weight against it. 

“Bucky, what’s going on?” 

Sam’s voice was gentle, and the tears came back again. 

“I— I—“

Bucky tried to speak, even one word that would make Sam understand, but not a single sound that Sam could comprehend as words were leaving his throat. 

“I’m coming in.”

Bucky sighed as he moved against the bathroom wall so he was away from the door, now leaning against the wall to his right. The lock clicked as it opened, and the doorknob slowly turned as the door opened. As Sam peaked his head in, Bucky engulfed himself into a ball on the floor, continuing to sob in between the sharp, quick inhales.

“Hey, Bucky.”

Sam walked into the steamy bathroom and kneeled in front of Bucky, using his left arm to pull him up from the floor. Bucky’s red-stained eyes glared into his as another tear fell down his face.

“I got you...you’re ok now.”

Sam used his right arm to pull his friend closer to him, letting the crying man's head rest on his chest. He rubbed small, light circles along his back. His shirt may be soaked with tears and water, but Sam didn’t mind one bit. The only thing he was thinking about was Bucky, and what could have him so upset that he was sobbing. For a while, the two sat on the bathroom floor, with Bucky shutting his eyes as his sobs got less intense. Sam continued to rub his back, soothing him as he sniffled a few times and lifted himself away from Sam and against the wall behind him. 

“Sorry, I jus-”

“Bucky, don’t ever apologize for having emotions, ok? It's better to talk to someone and let someone help then to struggle all alone.”

Bucky, whose head was down, just nodded. Sam changed his position so his legs were crossed in front of him. 

“So, what’s up, cyborg? It’s not normal to cry in the shower.”

Bucky lifted his head and made eye contact with Sam.

“The shower...it felt like rain.”

“What about rain bothers you?”

“Me and Steve...we used to play in the rain as kids.”

That sentence earned a nod from Sam, who shifted his eye contact so he was looking at the floor.

“Do you think we need to get a new shower head?” 

Bucky let out a small laugh at Sam’s question.

“Seriously though, I’ve been asking my Ma and she just hates high water pressure. But if we’re gonna be here for a while, I want you to be comfortable.”

“There’s no need, Sam. I just…”

And there was silence. Sam looked back to Bucky, who had shifted his gaze to the ground.

“I’m just mad. Sad. Upset at Steve. I’m not even sure what to feel. He just left us, Sam.”

Sam could hear the tears in Bucky’s voice, but he didn’t move. He watched as Bucky looked up at the ceiling and blinked back tears.

“I don’t want to be mad at him, but he just left me. Me and him were supposed to be with each other until the end of the line but he lied, Sam, he  **lied** !” 

Bucky shouted at the last word, tears flowing down his face again as he made eye contact with Sam and moved forward so he was in his arms again.

“He may have left you, Bucky, but I’m here. I got you,  _ always _ . No matter what. I’m by your side.”

Bucky looked up at Sam, still tears in his eyes, and smiled, before moving his head so he was engulfed in Sam’s chest.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! comments & kudos are always appreciated <3


End file.
